From time to time ... i analyse the way i talk, the subjects i prefer to talk more ... and of course ... the words i use the most.
I remember that one time a guy told me that i've used "No" .... 13 times ... while talking to him for 10 minutes.
I was a little bit shocked ... of his remark .... but all he said to me was "Please meditate why you do that! It's little bit weird that you say ... no ... no ... and even yes-no."
I've understood he was not arrogant.
He just wanted to send me a message ... which would help me understand myself better.
It was about ... who i am today, why i act the way i act ... and actually why my life looked the way it looked.
Later on ... understanding the meaning and the importance of having such a habit of analysing the density of certain words ... i've started to realise i use a lot .... ... "I must".... "You must" .... "She must" ... "He must" ....
And ... going back in time ... I've understood ... i did that into my past relationships also.
I smile ... somehow feeling that it was all a clear evidence that all i wanted was ... to dominate ... all.
... my ex partners ... and all related to those relationships.
I smile ... somehow realising ... i am an idiot.
But it was worst than I thought ... cause i also used to say ... "I must".
Yes ... i was forcing myself to do things which i disliked.
... or even hated.
I was actually doing that on ... and on ... and on.
Like ... an idiot.
Today i believe that using the verb "must" ... is something related to .... force.
I try to stop myself ... speaking like that ... but i just can't.
And ... i can't because ... my unconscious side is not allowing me that.
Why?!
Most probably ... because i've not understood myself clearly .... and worst of all because... I can't totally accept myself yet ... the way i am.
... but also my partner ...
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in love ... but still playing psychological games -
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